Caesar Invades Britain

凯撒入侵不列颠

THE first date* in English History is 55 B.C ., in which year Julius Caesar (the memorable Roman Emperor) landed, like all other successful invaders of these islands, at Thanet. This was in the Olden Days, when the Romans were top nation on account of their classical education, etc.

公元前 55 年，是英国载入史册的第一个日期。那一年，尤里乌斯·凯撒（一位令人难忘的罗马皇帝）像其他所有成功入侵这些岛屿¹的人一样，在塞内特（Thanet）²登陆。这是一个古老的时代，罗马人在古典教育的熏陶下，成为了顶级民族。

Julius Caesar advanced very energetically, throwing his cavalry several thousands of paces over the River Flumen; but the Ancient Britons, though all well over military age, painted themselves true blue, or wood, and fought as heroically under their dashing queen, Woadicea, as they did later in thin red lines under their good queen, Victoria.

尤里乌斯·凯撒来势汹汹，他指挥骑兵跨过弗卢门河（River Flumen）³数千步。古不列颠人虽然不那么年富力壮，但在闪耀的女王沃迪西亚（Woadicea）⁴的领导下，他们把自己涂成蓝色或树木的颜色，英勇反抗，正如之后他们在身上涂上红线，在好女王维多利亚⁵的领导下作战一样。

Julius Caesar was therefore compelled to invade Britain again the following year (54 B.C ., not 56, owing to the peculiar Roman method of counting), and having defeated the Ancient Britons by unfair means, such as battering-rams, tortoises, hippocausts, centipedes, axes, and bundles, set the memorable Latin sentence, ‘Veni, Vidi, Vici’, which the Romans, who were all very well educated, construed correctly.

尤里乌斯·凯撒只得在第二年再次发起进攻（是公元前 54 年，不是公元前 56 年，要怪就怪罗马人古怪的计数方式），他用一些不公平的手段击败了古不列颠人，比如破城槌，龟甲阵⁶、地热系统⁷、持盾方阵⁸、斧头和炸弹礼包⁹，并留下一句拉丁名言，“我来，我见，我征服（Veni, Vidi, Vici）”。由于他是个受过良好教育的罗马人，这个句子的结构非常正确。

The Britons, however, who of course still used the old pronunciation, understanding him to have called them ‘Weeny, Weedy, and Weaky’, lost heart and gave up the struggle, thinking that he had already divided them All into Three Parts.

然而，操着古老口音的不列颠人，以为凯撒是在说他们“哭唧唧, 软绵绵，弱兮兮（Weeny, Weedy, and Weaky）”，他们信心大跌，放弃了抵抗，认为凯撒已经把他们大卸八块。

Culture among the Ancient Britons

不列颠人的文化

The Ancient Britons were by no means savages before the Conquest, and had already made great strides in civilization, e.g. they buried each other in long round wheel barrows (agriculture) and burnt each other alive (religion) under the guidance of even older Britons called Druids or Eisteddfods, who worshipped the Middletoe in the famous Druidical churchyard at Stoke Penge.

在被征服之前，古不列颠人可绝不是什么野蛮人，他们在文明方面取得了长足进步。比如，他们会用长长的圆轮手推车把彼此埋进地里（农业），他们会把对方活活烧死（宗教）。这一切都遵循古老的德鲁伊（Druids）¹⁰和诗歌大会（Eisteddfods）¹¹的指导，他们在斯托克彭吉（Stoke Penge）¹²著名的德鲁伊教堂墓地崇拜着中土大陆（Middletoe）¹³。

The Roman Conquest was, however, a Good Thing, since the Britons were only natives at that time.

鉴于不列颠人是当时唯一的土著，罗马征服其实是一件好事。

The Roman Occupation

罗马人的统治

For some reason the Romans neglected to overrun the country with fire and the sword, though they had both of these; in fact, after the Conquest they did not mingle with the Britons at all, but lived a semi-detached life in villas. They occupied their time for two or three hundred years in building Roman roads and having Roman baths; this was called the Roman Occupation, and gave rise to the memorable Roman law, ‘HE WHO BATHS FIRST BATHS FAST ,’ which was a Good Thing, and still is. The Roman roads ran absolutely straight in all directions and all led to Rome. The Romans also built towns wherever they were wanted, and, in addition, a wall between England and Scotland to keep out the savage Picts and Scots. This wall was the work of the memorable Roman Emperor Balbus and was thus called Hadrian’s Wall. The Picts, or painted men, * were so called to distinguish them from the Britons. (See supra, woad.)

出于某些原因，罗马人没有用火与剑去横扫乡间，尽管这两样东西他们都有。实际上，征服后他们根本就没有和不列颠人搅在一起，而是住在乡间别墅过着半隔离的生活。在这两三百年的统治期间，他们忙于修建罗马大道和享受罗马浴场；这便是所谓的罗马人的统治，由此还催生了一条著名的罗马法: “先洗澡的人快点洗”，这当然是件好事，一直以来都是。罗马大道宽阔笔直，无论哪个方向，最终都汇入罗马。罗马人想在哪里建造城镇，就在哪里建，除此之外，他们还在英格兰与苏格兰之间修了一道长城，来阻隔野蛮的皮克特人和苏格兰人。这道长城是赫赫有名的罗马皇帝巴尔布斯（Balbus）¹⁴的手笔，因此又被称作哈德良长城（Hadrian’s Wall）¹⁵。皮克特人也被叫作“涂彩绘的人*，以此跟不列颠人区别开来（参见上文古不列颠人的蓝色涂料）。