Britain Conquered Again

不列颠又被征服了

THE withdrawal of the Roman legions to take part in Gibbon’s Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (due to a clamour among the Romans for pompous amusements such as bread and circumstances) left Britain defenceless and subjected Europe to that long succession of Waves of which History is chiefly composed. While the Roman Empire was overrun by waves not only of Ostrogoths, Vizigoths, and even Goths, but also of Vandals (who destroyed works of art) and Huns (who destroyed everything and everybody, including Goths, Ostrogoths, Vizigoths, and even Vandals), Britain was attacked by waves of Picts (and, of course, Scots) who had recently learnt how to climb the wall, and of Angles, Saxons, and Jutes who, landing at Thanet, soon overran the country with fire (and, of course, the sword).

罗马军团从不列颠撤离，加入到吉本¹笔下的罗马帝国衰亡进程（都怪那些无度索取面包和娱乐的罗马人），这导致不列颠防备空虚，欧洲进入了历史上那一段漫长的混乱期。罗马帝国境内烽烟四起，前来进犯的不仅有东哥特人、西哥特人，甚至还有哥特人，以及汪达尔人（他们大肆破坏艺术）和匈人（他们破坏一切事物，杀害所有人，包括哥特人、东哥特人、西哥特人，甚至汪达尔人）。不列颠人则面临着学会翻越长城的皮克特人（当然也包括苏格兰人）一波又一波的进攻，同时还遭受着来自盎格鲁人、撒克逊人，以及朱特人的侵袭，他们在塞内特登陆，用火（当然还有剑）迅速征服了整个国家。

Important Note

一则重要的笔记

The Scots (originally Irish, but by now Scotch) were at this time inhabiting Ireland, having driven the Irish (Picts) out of Scotland; while the Picts (originally Scots) were now Irish (living in brackets) and vice versa. It is essential to keep these distinctions clearly in mind (and verce visa).

苏格兰人（原先是爱尔兰人，但现在是苏格兰人了）此时定居在爱尔兰，他们把爱尔兰人（皮克特人）赶出了苏格兰；而皮克特人（原先是苏格兰人）则变成了爱尔兰人（现在住在括号里）²，反之亦然。弄清楚这些区别是很重要的（反之亦然）。

Humiliation of the Britons

不列颠人之耻

The brutal Saxon invaders drove the Britons westward into Wales and compelled them to become Welsh; it is now considered doubtful whether this was a Good Thing. Memorable among the Saxon warriors were Hengist and his wife (? or horse), Horsa. Hengist made himself King in the South. Thus Hengist was the first English King and his wife (or horse), Horsa, the first English Queen (or horse). The country was now almost entirely inhabited by Saxons and was therefore renamed England, and thus (naturally) soon became C. of E. This was a Good Thing, because previously the Saxons had worshipped some dreadful gods of their own called Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

粗暴的撒克逊入侵者把不列颠人赶去了西边的威尔士，迫使他们变成了威尔士人；现在我们无法确定这到底是不是一件好事。在众多的撒克逊战士中，我们能记住名字的是亨吉斯特（Hengist）和他的妻子霍萨（Horsa）（？她或许是一匹马）。亨吉斯特在南方称王，成为英国的第一位国王，而他的妻子霍萨（或许是匹马），则成为英国的第一位王后（或者马后）。这个国家基本上被撒克逊人占领了，于是改名叫了英格兰，从而（很自然地）成为了英格兰教会（C of E）。这是一件好事，因为在此之前，撒克逊人崇拜他们自己那些可怕的神³，那些神的名字叫做星期一⁴、星期二⁵、星期三⁶、星期四⁷、星期五⁸和星期六⁹。